So we got into this thing this morning, did Hollie and me.
All because I had the audacity to refuse to buy a packet of gum as a means of providing change for the take away option at school.
I hate all things bubble gum, chewing gum, Beech Nut, Wrigleys, Bazooka Joe, Anglo Ace fuckin' gum, you name it, I'll have a piece of vitriol to suit.
It (probably) goes back to youthful experiences at school where I would find either my knees or more likely my arse fused to a piece of furniture because some josher (twat) decided it would be fun to secrete their excretions where it could do the most adhesive harm - bastards!! Or other funsters (twats) who thought it would be a jolly jape to stick it in your hair as they walk past. No wonder I'm fuckin' bald...
The only way to remove this stuff is to freeze it with liquid Nitrogen then smash it with a hammer - done that, have proof (freezers work too). Of course, you'd have to be a frank buffoon to use this method with the sticky hair problem, but I'm sure you'd have worked that out by yourselves.
I can't remember exactly when the last clothing nightmare occured (apart from any existing fashion sense, that is) but I still can't abide listening to people who chew gum and insist on speaking at the same time: "Chew, smeck, drool, mumble, mumble." My normally polite (hem, hem) demeanor tends to slip after a nanosecond when this happens, but this pales into insignificance when I'm confronted by the individual who has the annoying habit of stretching the bloody stuff across their gobs and making it go "Clack", "Bang" or some other variant of "Pop" as part of their punctuation. I actually shudder! Personally, I blame the parents - and as I don't chew the damn stuff, you can work that out for yourselves...
Of course, I'm not suggesting I've always had this distaste for the inert chewing of the cud. When I was about Holl's age, I won a wristwatch (still have it, but it needs fixing) from the Anglo Ace Bubbly Gum Company: Spot the Difference, suggest a Slogan!!! "Fruity, chewy and good value for money" if I recall correctly (That's Anglo Ace in the picture by the way).
All because I had the audacity to refuse to buy a packet of gum as a means of providing change for the take away option at school.
I hate all things bubble gum, chewing gum, Beech Nut, Wrigleys, Bazooka Joe, Anglo Ace fuckin' gum, you name it, I'll have a piece of vitriol to suit.
It (probably) goes back to youthful experiences at school where I would find either my knees or more likely my arse fused to a piece of furniture because some josher (twat) decided it would be fun to secrete their excretions where it could do the most adhesive harm - bastards!! Or other funsters (twats) who thought it would be a jolly jape to stick it in your hair as they walk past. No wonder I'm fuckin' bald...
The only way to remove this stuff is to freeze it with liquid Nitrogen then smash it with a hammer - done that, have proof (freezers work too). Of course, you'd have to be a frank buffoon to use this method with the sticky hair problem, but I'm sure you'd have worked that out by yourselves.
I can't remember exactly when the last clothing nightmare occured (apart from any existing fashion sense, that is) but I still can't abide listening to people who chew gum and insist on speaking at the same time: "Chew, smeck, drool, mumble, mumble." My normally polite (hem, hem) demeanor tends to slip after a nanosecond when this happens, but this pales into insignificance when I'm confronted by the individual who has the annoying habit of stretching the bloody stuff across their gobs and making it go "Clack", "Bang" or some other variant of "Pop" as part of their punctuation. I actually shudder! Personally, I blame the parents - and as I don't chew the damn stuff, you can work that out for yourselves...
Of course, I'm not suggesting I've always had this distaste for the inert chewing of the cud. When I was about Holl's age, I won a wristwatch (still have it, but it needs fixing) from the Anglo Ace Bubbly Gum Company: Spot the Difference, suggest a Slogan!!! "Fruity, chewy and good value for money" if I recall correctly (That's Anglo Ace in the picture by the way).
But after years of attempting to complete assessments or generally communicate with some chuddy-limited galloots, I can see why teachers always made you spit the stuff into the nearest bin!
My mam always told me to spit it out (wrap it up first!!!) and never swallow it. That could be dangerous as it doesn't digest very well (true folks) and it could wrap around your intestines or cause a blockage - Ooooerrr... Which has always made me consider the cartoon image of farting bubbles as a consequence.
And don't even get me started on the state of pavements...
Then again, Hollie will have to give up this little schlock of horrors because she gets her braces fitted in a couple of weeks. Just got to work on her mother now.
Rant over - guilt triggered - I'll make a deal with the girly when she returns home tonight. Help me with the shopping and she can have a packet - but only a make that isn't individually wrapped pieces.
Honour will be satisfied.
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